Introducing Happy Nuts
Men, Lets talk about nuts. Not some crappy airline peanuts. The ones that hang between your legs… Or try to. Not a lot of room there for them there. Pretty bad design if you ask me, but I am just an engineer…not god.
On top of that, your nuts sweat, chafe, pinch, pull, itch, and stink. Why? They have to run at a warm temperature, about 95 degrees Farenheit, to keep you future children incubated properly. Unfortunately this temperature is also slightly below your body temperature, needing them to hang outside of your body.
For thousands, maybe even millions of years, men have just dealt with it. They have walked, run, chased buffalo, and fought wars. Their comfort was the least of their concerns.
Luckily for you, the modern man doesn’t have to worry about most of that. Life is pretty easy these days, but why not make it a bit easier and more enjoyable.
We put together an A-Team to solve this problem. One of the best chemists in the personal care industry (the brain behind many of your favorite products) spent the last two years perfecting a formula to solve all the common comfort robbing issues your nuts experience.
Lets touch on all of these, and how we solved it in an all-in-one comfort solution.
Sweat: You sweat, I sweat, your grandpa sweats, even Brad Pitt sweats down there more than his Pits. Deodorant was not a thing until late in the 1900s. Now, you can’t imagine going on a date, hike, or to work without it. Do you really like your pits more than your boys? No. So treat them with the same respect.
We utilized tapioca powder instead of harmful powders like talc used by similar products. Powder is also messy, our formula applies as a rich refreshing lotion, and quickly dries as a protective and sweat-wicking powder layer. It stays on you where you need it, not all over your bathroom sink and clothes.
Chafing: The insides of your thighs rub together, as do your nuts. It sucks. Unless you are into sandpaper tearing up your crown jewels. Apply the lotion on your inner thighs and sack, and wait a few moments for it to dry as a powder. The powder layer you are left with creates a smooth anti-friction layer to keep everything running like the fine piece of equipment it is.
Feel free to use this anywhere you experience chafing. We have learned that it works for nipples while running, hips during backpacking, and your neck when wearing that rental tuxedo that tears up your neck. Get creative, anywhere you experience rubbing or chafing, this stuff works.
Batwinging: I am about to school you on a few terms, and hopefully increase your vocabulary. Batwinging is something you have been dealing with 10-50 times a day your entire life. It’s when you sack sticks to your thigh. This happens right out of the shower and only gets worse as the day moves along. You have learned to live with it, but why live with something when you don’t have to.
What have men been doing to fight this up until Happy Nuts? Well… they generally manspread and ball-just. Manspreading is pretty self-explanatory. Think about that guy sitting next to you on the plane putting their leg all the way into your personal space. Here’s a hint, women think its sloppy and talk about it behind your back all the time.
Even worse, ball-justing is that “pull out the wedgie” move you think you pull off without anyone seeing. Reality check---EVERYONE can see you pulling at your junk. Stop doing that. Just use Happy Nuts. The anti-friction layer makes sure everything falls into place as it should.
Man-Odors: If you ever hang out in a men’s locker room, or taken off your own pants after a long day, you know what were tackling here. The beauty of this formula is that it will prevent the bad odors all day long when used properly as part of your morning routine. No morning routine? Let’s say you are on a weekend camping trip, or worked from home all day and your girl is coming by unexpectedly… Just throw on some Happy Nuts and go forward in confidence. Next time you are lucky enough to bring your date home, you won’t have to do a quick bathroom hand check… We got you.
We originally created happy nuts with active lifestyles and active guys in mind. After testing the formula, we learned that it actually works better than we would have imagined for everyday life. Sitting in your car, sitting in that office chair, sitting on that airplane, or casually walking to a dinner date… The comfort never stops. I am sitting on an airplane with a hot laptop on my lap as I write this, swamp nuts no more!
Yes, you have lived your whole life without this up until now. But believe me, once you try it as part of your morning routine for a week, you will honestly question how you did. The first day you forget to apply, you will realize how uncomfortable you have felt your whole life, and hopefully give us a thank you shout out.